Ganguro's Not Dead

The fashion scene in Tokyo is a lot like a living, breathing thing. It's constantly evolving, growing, figuring itself out, trying things, failing, getting back up again and moving on. And some trends are practical and define the era during which they are set. Whereas others are hard to explain in any way whatsoever. Ganguro is probably one of the latter, for most people.
 Without going into it too deep, the ganguro trend basically stands for everything opposite to Japan's already established beauty standards. Whereas classic beauty in the land of the Rising Sun (and in many other parts of Asia, even) is defined by dark hair and pale skin, ganguro goes the opposite way - opting instead for dark skin and brightly colored hair - both of which aren't exactly natural for the typical Japanese person.
 Needless to say, the results are somewhat frightening.
 According to Millo, who had visited the capital in 2008, ganguro girls were actually once pretty commonly seen walking the streets of Shibuya district.

Today, in 2015, there's only place you can be sure to spot one - and that's the Ganguro Cafe. The small cafe is located in the same district, but isn't as easy to find as you would expect. It's tucked away a bit of a walk from the station, on the second floor of a building with no visible signs, asides from a small sticker next to its respective button on the building's elevator. But there's no mistaking it when you're inside.

 Millo and I were sat down as soon as we got in, and the cafe was fairly empty, quiet - which is somewhat of a miracle when speaking of Shibuya on a Saturday. And sure as hell, the waitress was as authentic a ganguro girl as they got. She looked like she had spent untold amount of hours in a tanning salon. Her hair either had four layers of dye in it, or was a very intricate wig. Her nails were each five inches long, and had anime characters stuck on to them. I can't even begin to describe her make-up, but you can pretty much see it for yourself.

 But I've got to hand it to her, she was actually really friendly! In the 3 years I've spent in Tokyo, not once had a waitress ever approached me or my group of foreigners and actually seem interested in making conversation, but she actually talked us up and was pretty open-minded about us not being fluent in Japanese. It made me think whether the girls there making themselves look so different was representative of the fact that their personalities were so different than your typical Japanese girls.

 The food at the cafe was almost as unusual as the waitresses, with one of the recommended items on the menu being deep-friend sausage balls with ketchup and mayonaise, dyed black with squid-ink. "That's because we're all dark-skinned with white and colorful make-up," the waitress explained. Okay, so not much thought went into this in terms of culinary science, I thought, but hell, I went for it. Well, it tasted weird, but was not at all as terrible a shock as I expected, which is kind of representative of the cafe as a whole.

 Y'know, I actually had a pretty good time at the Ganguro Cafe, so go check it out, if you've got the guts. If you're girl, they'll even do your make-up if you want it badly enough to spend 70$ for it.

Lots of pics courtesy of Millo. My camera's battery died. Woops.

Interesting Tidibits: By Japanese Law

It wasn't until recently that dancing in public venues was illegal in Japan. DJ's and common folk were getting thrown into cells for getting a little too groovy, and clubs had to purchase expensive permits allowing people to dance. Woo! Fun was a big no-no in Japan, yes it was. Fortunately, that law's gone now. But it got me thinking - if such a ridiculous law existed in Japan in the first place, could there be other laws just as ridiculous? Let's open the book of Japanese laws and find out.

 THE DUMBEST LAWS IN JAPAN

I. IF AN OLDER BROTHER ASKS TO MARRY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, BY HONOR AND LAW, YOU, AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND, MUST AGREE.

Good god, someone ought to fix this. Granted, this law is probably simply terribly outdated, and no one has made use of this in recent times, but doesn't this mean someone potentially could pull this off with a good enough lawyer? If anything, it could just turn into the ballsiest prank of all time.

II. WOMEN ARE LEGALLY OBLIGED TO WEAR A BRA IN A BUILDING WITH AIR CONDITIONING.

Most likely has to do with men ogling said women's chests in the workplace? A little sexist, no? I mean, there's nothing preventing men from going commando, is there?

III. THERE IS NO AGE OF CONSENT.

Wrong on so many levels. 

IV.  THE MAXIMUM WAIST SIZE IS 33 FOR MEN AND 35 FOR WOMEN.

Specifically, 33.5 and 35.4. No, they won't throw you in jail for being too fat, but Japan passed a law a few years ago forcing men and women over that specified size to undergo counseling. Employers at the time faced serious fines if they could not reduce the number of overweight employees at the job by a certain amount. Seems a little harsh, considering Japan's currently the leanest world superpower.

V. THE IMPORTING OF PHOTOGRAPHS DEPICTING MALE GENITALIA IS ILLEGAL.

This one's a little bit of a conundrum. Genitalia in general is subject to censor in Japan, but why is it only illegal to import photos of male genitalia?

 

Out of a Vending Machine

A fact about that Japan I've come to accept over the years: if it exists, you can sell it inside from a vending machine. Just strolling around, I've encountered a handful that have made me do a double-take. Let's see...what can you find inside a vending machine in Japan? Hmm.

1. Assorted Disney Items
 Limited not only to snacks, but also handkerchiefs.
2. Books
 Though most of them seemed to be self-help oriented, the prices were pretty fair.
3. Hot Meals
Hot dogs, french fries, and fried rice balls. If it were anywhere else than Japan, I wouldn't risk it.
4. Wrapping Cloth
You often see these wrapped around lunch boxes (bento). Came in a variety of elegant patterns.
5. Bananas
Or banana chips! Also, mango.
 

Making (Kamehameha) Waves

As a city as a whole, Tokyo's quite fond of publicity stunts, and twice as much so when they involve popular anime and manga series. In Shibuya, in an attempt to get the word out for the release of an upcoming Dragonball videogame, a Kamehameha machine has been set up for people to try out. The idea's simple enough, really. You can scan your toughest face, and the machine judges your "power level." Then, you go face to face with a friend and shoot laser beams from your hands at each other. Fun! You can see it in action right here.

Actually, maybe coinciding with the encroaching Valentine's day, most of the people lined up to try it were couples, if not good friends. For fear of wasting the time of the pairs in line I opted not to try it for myself. I'll surely get another chance, right? No? Yeah I don't think so either.

Dosojin Himatsuri - The Festival of Fire

Though Nozawa is a notable place for snow sports such as ski and snowboard, we gladly settled for only three or so hours on the slopes. We weren't even there for the hot springs, which otherwise keep Nozawa active throughout the warm seasons. We had a different objective in mind.
The reason we came to Nozawa Onsen town was to experience firsthand the events that were to take place on that night of January 15th, as they did every year, while most of the rest of Japan is completely unaware.


 Every Winter, a truly wonderful festival occurs in this snowy town - the Dosojin Himatsuri. The festival celebrates newborn children, casts out bad luck, and brings in the good. In and of itself, that's nothing unique in terms of Japanese matsuri festivals. But while you might be right to point out that fire festivals happen in several dozen towns across the Japan archipelago, many of which are larger than Nozawa and draw bigger crowds, it's the way in which Dosojin is celebrated that makes it stand out from the country's other fire festivals.

The Dosojin festival is peculiar right from the get-go. As 7 o' clock in the evening nears, villagers gather towards an open area in the center of the town. It's a merry procession; sake is offered in cups to any one who's willing to take it, free of charge. Leading the procession of villagers and tourists are men charged with carrying items of cultural value to the site. These include lanterns and banners, but also a number of things that are hard to describe outside of context. But amongst these men are also those charged with carrying the flames.These men, for the most part drunk on sake already, brandish bundles of dried bamboo the size of their own bodies, the end of which is aflame. They twirl these enormous torches around and about their body, with little to no regard for their own safety and that of even onlookers. In the case where it looked like someone hit by the torch was about to be set ablaze, guards ran in to pat them out and clear them out of the area where the flame bearers were passing. But otherwise, there was no reproach at all to the flame bearers, and it was even a common occurrence. This happened to Kazue!

When at last everyone everyone had made it to the site of the main event, the poles and banners and lanterns were assembled, but one structure towered over all others. A wooden tower was erected at the center of the square, made of tinder and branches and wooden beams. I'm sure you can see where this is going, but you'd only be half right if you guessed the tower was to be set ablaze.

On top of that very same wooden tower were all the men of the village who had turned 42 years old in the previous year. At the bottom of the tower, defending them, were all the men who had turned 25. There was a beating of drums, a blast of fireworks, and, around 30 meters away from the wooden tower, the flame bearers set off a blazing bonfire.

 And the villagers, each with a torch in hand, set off to burn down the large wooden structure with the men still atop it, as the giant bonfire itself was slowly being dragged towards it. And only that handful of 25 year old defenders stood between them and their mark. It felt like war.

The onslaught was savage, vehement beyond belief. The 25 year old defenders, numbering no more than twenty in total, took on wave upon wave of villagers whose sole goal was to burn the tower - and they stopped at nothing in their attempts. Everything was permitted, from throwing their torches to downright bludgeoning the defenders with them. But this was mutual - defenders threw punches at the attackers. The air was filled with taunts and threats, and once they began, the attacks did not stop for any longer than a dozen seconds, as villagers who failed retreated and brought new torches, regrouping and renewing their attacks - and this would last three whole hours.

The defenders, in the smoke after a successful defense.

 The defenders stood unwavering, some of them holding on to ropes secured to the tower, so tired were they that they could not stand. Their camaraderie was remarkable, even as their odds grew more difficult. Many of them sported burns and cuts across their faces, and the large bonfire itself crept closer and closer to the main structure they were sworn to defend. This meant that, while initially villagers who attempted to renew their attacks had to walk 30 meters to claim a new torch, that distance was gradually shrinking to 25 meters, then 20 and so on. The charges were growing more frequent.

Still, the 42 year old men of the village welcomed the attackers to test their defenders. "Bring on the fire!" they chanted. "Bring on the sake!" But still the attackers were fought off.

The final bonfire.

 And after what must have been the longest three hours in those young mens' lives, the assault finally ended. The 42'ers were brought down, the 25's cheered by the crowd for their valor, and at the very end, the flame pushed under the tower.
 And we watched the biggest bonfire I had ever seen in my life blaze up, throwing cinders and smoke into the night sky. The banner poles, too, were thrown into the fire, feeding it further, and after 20 minutes there was a deafening crash and a searing heat wave as the structure collapsed in an explosion of fire, to the cheer of a crowd that had to look away for the heat that was unbearable to even face.

The tower explodes.

The danger of it all, the cheering and shouting and taunting, and the silhouettes of the defenders being celebrated by the very villagers that looked as if they were trying to kill them minutes ago, were imprinted into my memories as I walked back to our ryokan. Now that's a festival well done.

5 Reasons Village Vanguard Is My Favorite Shop

1. This gay orgy of Ken dolls.

2. This picture book of pretty girls licking doorknobs.

  3. These erotic bath salts featuring under-aged anime characters.

4. These naked babies making powerful eye contact.

 5. This bowl made specifically for eating curry.

You can read more about Village Vanguard here.

For You Wannabe Defenseless Maidens

Unless you read women's manga, chances are you haven't heard of kabe-don. It's essentially an overused trope that doesn't happen nearly as often in real life as the comics would suggest. The gist of it is, a guy puts his hand against a wall to loom over someone whose back is pressed against it. It's oh-so-tough-looking.
 Apparently, this is now so much of a thing that the Harajuku branch of Sweets Paradise has temporarily re-branded itself into a Kabe-Don cafe, allowing blushing high school girls to put themselves in the manga scenario. With a mannequin.
 Yes, it's a little strange, so, being the investigative soul that I am, I went to have a look myself.

Screenshot from the official promotional video.

 And it was a bit of a hit-and-miss. What I wasn't told was that they only allow you to pose with the mannequin on weekends. I know it mostly sounds like a miss, but I did get to pig out on sweets, so there. Now apparently, the place has a whole lot of equipment so that customers can pick out their favorite scenario, and appropriate sound bits would play out while the mannequin looms over you (such as him talking to you as if you were his childhood friend, for example.)
 Christ, then why not just hire a real guy? It sounds altogether like a more profitable endeavor. Even more so if you get high school students to actually fall in a crush with the guy and keep coming back.
 Why they only do it on weekends is a complete mystery to me though. And here I was ready to try something totally retarded. Mayhaps you'll have better luck than I did.

Diving Into the World of Shit

The Miraikan, or the Museum of Emerging Sciences as it's called in English, is considered to be one of the best museums in Japan, showcasing the brilliance of Japanese innovation and technology. It's where you would go to meet Asimo or Geminoid F, for instance. On top of its excellent permanent exhibition, the Miraikan also has special exhibitions - none of which seemed particularly fascinating enough to merit its own visit - especially alone, since very few of my friends here care for science. I reconsidered my stance for the current one, though.
 Between the months of August until the first week of October, the Miraikan cordially invited visitors to explore the world of shit and toilets, in a highly interactive exhibition suitable for people of all ages. I know, right? How could I miss this. I don't think they could pull this off as successfully anywhere else in the world. Of course I went.

As easy as it would be for me to make up what follows, note that everything below is true.

 It all starts off pretty rationally, see. A talking turd is wondering why he won't get flushed down the toilet. A face appears upon its lid, and it yells angrily that it's sick of humans that look down upon toilet-kind for no reason, and refuses to ever flush again. "We think of people as being our friends," the toilet said, "but we've never been thanked!" The turd turns to the audience and implores us all to at least try to understand the toilet's point of view, and that everything would be so much better if humanity knew about the importance of toilets. I was immediately hooked. 10/10 for the intro.

You never get to do this elsewhere!

Well logically, the first step in understanding toilets is understanding our own shit. So the museum brings you into a hall of learning about the consistency and smell and shape of our feces. Here, I was told of the benefits of examining one's own feces as a means of self-diagnosis. Entrants were also invited to compare samples of shit (not real ones, but models,) which children were thrilled to do.
In another corner of the room, three different aromas were stored into metallic cylinders. One with a pleasant smell, one with the smell of shit, one with 90% pleasant smell and 10% smell of shit. The point was, that it's very hard to overpower the smell of shit. I didn't actually try smelling from the cylinders. "Gross!" people would say after smelling the 'smell of shit' sample. No, really? Could it possibly smell like...shit?

Of course, there was all kinds of scientific facts and such on nearby panels, and believe it or not, I actually took the time to read those too. But let's move on, because that's not as much fun.
The next room was also very interactive, and visitors were welcome to try to sculpt their last bowel movement out of play dough given to them by the kind staff. Why not, I thought, as I took the play dough from the nice lady and molded it upon the surface of the small porcelain toilet on the counter in front of me.
 I came up with this.

Diagnose this!

I censored it for the kids.

It made the lady smile, so that's a win in my book. I don't actually remember what my last shit looked like.
 I proceeded through the next door, and made it to the hall of wonderful toilets! Here, many different bathrooms were showcased, showing how different people could possibly be pleased by a little innovation when it came to bathrooms. There was one where the walls were all one-way windows. No one can see you inside, but you can see the people outside, kind of thing. In application, though, that'd be horribly awkward, taking a dump while seeing the person waiting to use the toilet next, just standing there, holding it in. There was an open room one (for daycare centers that want to be able to keep an eye on the kids while giving them their space) as well as one that turned peeing into a video game (but I've seen that type of thing before) and ultimately, the toilet of dreams unfulfilled!
 The latter one allowed visitors to write ideas for a new type of toilet on a post-it note and paste it on the wall.These included ones that would make everything smell awesome and that kind of thing. There was one odd drawing of a guy sticking his head of the toilet bowl.
Such potential! I came up with a fun one.

Soon after that, the moment had come. I had learned about poop. I had learned about toilets. But that brought me no closer to understanding the struggle of the talking toilet from the beginning. It was time to become one with the shit.

The sign literally read "Imagine yourself to be feces and see what lies beyond."

There was no turning back. I became one of the numerous shit heads in line to get flushed down the mega-toilet, and within moments, my turn had arrived. I slid down into the porcelain funnel, and found myself in a hallway made to look like sewers.
 "Hey, do you have a moment? Sir?" a voice stopped me, as I made my way to the end of the corridor amongst all the other shit heads. "Could you please take a picture of us?" A Japanese lady handed me her camera, and I took a picture of her and her nice family, with everyone wearing poop on their noggins. There was a giant screen displaying a beautiful sea in the background. I relished the moment, because I knew this would never, ever happen again.

Next step is Broadway.

As I shuffled my way to the exit amongst the crowd (relinquishing my poop hat on the way out) I found myself in a room with many, many toilet bowls. A dozen children were sitting in front of them. "Now do you understand all that we do for you?" said one of the toilet bowls - it was the one from the beginning! "From the bottom of your heart, say thank you!" There was an awkward silence. "Thanks...?" said a few of the kids sitting before the toilets.
 All of a sudden, faces appeared on every toilet bowl! And they joined their voices together and sang in a choir! They sang of the importance of toilets and shitting, and the future humanity would build together with their help!
 "I forgive humans now!" announced the main toilet guy.
I was relieved, and the exhibition made my realize it was about time I relieved myself in a different way, too. So I found the washroom on my way out and did that. Thank you, toilet.

Like the Loch Ness Monster

Like a cryptid or a monster of myth, he appears and disappears when he pleases. If you go out looking for him, you're almost certain never to find him. But if you happen to be at a place where he's known to have been sighted, you just might stumble upon this fabled creature. Wherever he goes, he's constantly surrounded by a mob of knowing fans or curious tourists. I'm of course speaking of Hideaki Kobayashi, the world's most famous Japanese schoolgirl.

The Sailor Suit Old Man

Kobayashi's actually famous online for dressing up as a schoolgirl and showing up in crowded places. But what eventually started out as something he would just do for shits and giggles ended up being a hot topic on the internet, and made him skyrocket to celebrity level, and earned him the name "Sailor Suit Old Man". A Google image search yields a whole load of pictures like mine, though most often with actual schoolgirls at his side. I was quite ecstatic to find him!

Silly Inventions 6: The Synthetic Woman (a Museum Full)

#6: Synthetic Women

I DO NOT ENDORSE THIS.

Actually, they're sex dolls. For a limited time only, in the posh neighborhood of Ginza, a museum dedicated to showcasing sex dolls opened. And by that, I don't mean blow-up dolls. Japan, apparently, has come a long way from those.
 Really, I shouldn't even be surprised. This is truly the only country in the world where even the most perverse basement dwellers could get together and pool their resources to create a full synthetic woman just so they wouldn't have to speak to a real one in the outside world. But here I am, and after having toured the small museum, I now feel like I know more about sex dolls than any man who hasn't used one has the right to.
 Pictures weren't allowed! Sorry if mine are blurry, I kind of had to go at it through a stealth-cam. I gladly deliver!
The museum was comprised of two rooms (boutique not included), one displaying sex dolls of models old and new, arranged in various poses, while the other one showcased some casts through which the dolls were molded, as well as having a doll that could be interacted with (moved, touched) while a savvy clerk explained its functions.
 The dolls were frighteningly realistic. With flexible skeletons that could be moved and articulated in places accurate to the true human anatomy, as well as a full jacket of silicon skin, from a distance, they certainly did look like real people. The level of detail in the lips and faces was jarring, and of course, for the hair, nothing would have sufficed but actual human hair.
With such a level of detail, though, it was almost disturbing to hold one's wrist and realize the one thing it lacked was the warmth of actual flesh, making it seem like I was touching a corpse. Plus, the skin had an inhuman smoothness, an absence of pores and veins and wrinkles - all things I didn't expect to find on a doll, but keep them from being perfect. I think I'm a little grateful for that, actually.
 What kind of threw me off however was the centerpiece of the main room, a doll just around 145 centimeters tall or so that had all the traits of a ten year old girl. I don't know whether it was meant to provoke thought or not, but whatever the case, its mere existence was both fascinating and a little upsetting. But if it holds pedophiles back from going after the real thing, then maybe it's a good thing? Most of the questions I had here went unanswered, for better or for worst.
I still don't know how one goes about cleaning a sex doll after use, but its mildly entertaining to imagine some guy dragging one into a bathroom, running the bath water, holding it upside down, spreading its legs and scrubbing with a sponge.
 I guess I'll never know.

Silly Inventions 5: Turtle Launcher

#5: Turtle Launcher

As far as the toy industry goes, Japan's pretty innovative. The most mundane objects can be turned into delightful things. If even the idea of it is entertaining, then it's put on the market.
 So, why not a turtle that launches out of its shell, exposing a swimsuit-wearing body? It's not even a joke. Here's the Turtle Launcher, ladies and gentlemen.

Life-changing, I know. The name of this product is actually "Aitsu, Kame yamerutte yo." Which roughly translates to "this guy's giving up on being a turtle," but I think Turtle Launcher summarizes it about just as well. These toys come in six different varieties (different kinds of turtles and tortoises) and are sold for just around 2$ from gashapon machines. One of them even wears a bikini.
 Of course, upon discovering the existence of these wonderful creatures, I absolutely had to find one for myself, and sure as hell, they're being distributed just about anywhere you would expect to find gashapon toys. Wanna see it in action? Your balls aren't ready for this.

God damn it.

Okay, actually, I got a lot better at launching it after that. There's actually a trick to it. And while it won't fly into the sky like the promotional video, it can travel a meter or so and right into your cup of coffee. I know, right? You better get it.

This May Bug You

 Entomophagy! Now there's a mouthful. It basically means eating things with more legs than four - and I don't mean of the seafood variety. Though some Japanese dishes do use insects as an ingredient, those are few and rather more of a common occurrence in the deep reaches of the country side, and far from the capital. But fear not! I know full well that most of my readership surely want to stuff their faces with delicious crawly things, so I've got you covered.

 In truth, most of the places you'll find in Tokyo that can serve bug are actually...Thai! That's right. The true-blooded South-East Asians don't care what you find gross or unappetizing. If they like it, they'll eat it, and better yet, they'll serve it, so that takes Ken and I to a small Thai restaurant in Takadanobaba, where they're rumored to do the deed.
 And they didn't disappoint.
 Sure as hell, the restaurant "Nong Inlay" serves takemushi, literally "bamboo bug" as an appetizer. The larvae are easily found in bamboo, giving the bug its name. They're around three centimeters long and basically look like long, skinny maggots. But how do they taste?
 Absolutely normal, actually. A little salty? They're deep fried, so they're pretty greasy. Not as crunchy as I expected, but it's not like they were mushy either. If you stuck your hand into a bag full of them and ate them thinking they were soggy chips, you wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. Until a little maggot head stuck out from between your teeth.
 So there you have it! You can eat bugs in Tokyo, and now you know.
 

Mascots For Some Reason

I've stumbled upon more mascots in the last two and a half years in Japan than I have in the rest of my life combined. Here are a handful. Recognize a few?

(...The last one's me.)

Dancers, Robots, and Dancing Robots

As far as unique attractions go within Tokyo, this one's been tugging at my sleeve for a while. At the steep price of 6000¥ per entry, Robot Restaurant in Shinjuku isn't cheap, and I thought for certain it was merely a very high-budget themed restaurant, where the waitresses serve the customers while piloting robots. Neat, but you can imagine I wasn't keen on the price.
 Thankfully, I was wrong. Robot Restaurant is much more than restaurant with a theme. Actually, food is more of an afterthought, even. Robot Restaurant delivers a show rather than a meal, and it's much more like a circus act than any kind of actual dining establishment.
 If you're looking for a place like the others, where odd assortments of food are brought to you from a theme-specific menu, you won't find what you're looking for here.
 But I can tell what you will get is a performance unlike any other you can find in the world.

Before I even get started about the show itself, it's important to bare one thing in mind which I myself hadn't figured would be of any importance before stepping in.
Robot Restaurant is in Kabukicho. That's the red light district of Tokyo, a fact I would've almost forgotten if men in suits hadn't stopped Basil and I in the middle of the street, while saying "wait, wait! Look, sex!" while showing us brothel catalogs.
 The show has a distinctive Kabukicho twist to it, in that the robots are really only half of what draws the crowd in. The "Gira Gira Girls", a small army of scantily clad young women with a multitude of talents, are in truth the main performers here.

Not suitable for the very young or the epileptic.

The show is actually 75 minutes long and divided into several segments, each one quite a bit different from the next. Upon arriving, customers are seated in rows and told not to leave their seats, seeing as the show itself takes pretty much all the space of the venue, with many of the robots and performers coming surprisingly close to the front row. Both in English and in Japanese, the customers are instructed to "dodge" any of the robots' or platforms' protruding edges. Alarming, but I can dig it!

 Our show opened with the incredibly cool "Girls' War" segment, where the Gira Gira girls make their first appearance riding large mechanical platforms lined with drums, with one such contraption on either side of the stage. They then engage in a team-drum face off, with their platforms spinning around each other and going around the stage, while other dancers dart between them, carrying dragons and wearing masks. It's pretty engaging, and I definitely thought it a highlight.

From there on, the show cascades into singing performances accompanied by bands, with all performers dressed in really interesting shiny robot themed-apparel, to straight on mock-boxing matches, with people in robot suits fighting each other, with an announcer and all that jazz. There is also pole-dancing on moving platforms, and a short skit featuring amazons versus robots. The segments flow from inspiring, to cheesy fun, to provocative, to just downright surprising and full of special effects.
The final segments in particular bring out a tank, motor cycles, and big-ass robot suits, which is pretty sure to make you piss yourself in excitement if you're any kind of fan of those mechanical suits as seen in Gundam.
 All throughout, the show doesn't fail to be entertaining and, most importantly, unique, which is really a huge point in favor of Robot Restaurant.
 Being that the show is both in English and in Japanese, it's pretty easy for foreigners and locals alike to enjoy, and, indeed, the seats were mostly occupied by tourists.
 Come to think of it, I think it's a pretty good representation of what draws tourists to Japan, and specifically, to Tokyo. It's quirky, sexy, modern, and different, and at the end of the day, I don't feel like the sixty bucks I paid went to waste at all. Granted, I wouldn't do it again any time soon, but I might just end up bringing all my friends who visit Japan to this place. It's not like there's any other place where you can find robots dancing to Gangnam Style.

Kanamara Penis Festival: Dicks, Dicks Everywhere

The time has finally come.
 Twice in the past have I missed out on the Kanamara Festival due to work, but that streak has finally been broken. This year, I took all precautions necessary to not miss my third chance. And I'm so glad I did. The Kanamara Festival - or the Festival of the Iron Phallus, as it would be named in English - is fascinating, fun, and a worthwhile experience, on top of being something I've heard about long before I had even come to Japan. This is the stuff of legend. What a good time it is.

"I bow only to you, Lord Cock and Balls."

Let's start off with a little bit of history. The site of the festival is a small shrine in the town of Kawasaki, now located right beside a preschool establishment. It's a strange choice of placement (the kindergarten was, of course, built after the shrine itself,) but a little context can help clear things up.
 In the olden days, people would come to the shrine and pray for all things sex related.
 Some accounts have it that prostitutes were the most numerous visitors, praying that they not catch any diseases. Often, too, did people pray here for their marriages, or for an easy childbirth, or for fertility. However, the most well-known story is more of a legend, with a lot less fact involved. Stories tell of a woman with a demon hidden in her vagina, who would bite the penis off any man who would dare have intercourse with her. In a last resort attempt to rid herself of the curse, she went to a blacksmith, who broke the vagina demon's teeth with a penis forged of iron. Hence, the Iron Penis Festival!

Dicks EVERYWHERE.

 On to the excitement. On the day of the Kanamara Matsuri, the first Sunday in April, all matter of stands are put up, just like any other Japanese festival. However, on top of selling the regular food items such as chicken or squid on skewers, a whole plethora of dick-related items are also sold! There are wooden dildos and toys and key-chains, but particularly popular are the (in)famous penis lollipops, which sell in great numbers - leading, of course, to a bunch of people sucking on penis shaped lollipops on the festival grounds: men, women, and even children!

Notice my less popular vagina pop.

The festival easily draws thousands of people. Most of them are young adults just looking to soak in the happy, fun atmosphere, but there are also numerous curious foreigners, and the occasional daring person seeking to take advantage of the very sexually-liberated ambiance to do something they couldn't get away with elsewhere. Enter a woman in latex with a hole cut out to expose her ass, a man with a giant dick hat, an old guy with no pants. And people still bring kids here? Truly, anything goes on this day. Ask anyone if they mind you taking pictures, and they generally don't.
 And of course, no great festival is complete without a giant float being carried across the streets. After a very ritualistic prayer by an important priest, the floats are blessed and the go is given for them to be lifted off the ground and brought out of the shrine grounds.
 The procession is actually beautiful, with young maidens leading the way, giant colorful banners being flown, holy priests marching along, and, of course, the giant penis floats. First comes the holiest one, a black penis the length of a grown man's forearm, carried along by any one who volunteers to, as they chant to give their companions and themselves the strength to bolster the heavy, enshrined float. But it's the next one that draws the most attention. The most well-known one float is a one meter-and-a-half tall pink penis. As if that's not enough to draw the eye, this float can only be carried by transvestites in pink garb. That's right. The float is carried by drag queens.
 The Kanamara Matsuri is lots of fun, guys. You really don't get a chance to see anything like it elsewhere in the world (though there is another penis festival in Nagoya.) I simply wouldn't recommend missing it. It's fun, it's free, and it's unforgettable.

Brief Note: My Empire Expands

My good friend Devin bought a shirt. Doesn't it look great? You should get one too.

If I Opened a Restaurant

With it's 30+ million people, the Keihin area (Tokyo and its neighbors) is booming with businesses that have to somehow distinguish themselves from others. You see this most often when it comes to the food industry. There's no limit to the originality and innovation of the restaurants you'll find in Tokyo. Just take a look at the Themed Restaurant tag on my blog and you'll get a good idea of what I mean. And I haven't yet even scratched the surface of the matter at hand.
 The thing is, what keeps these businesses running is not only the owners striving to differentiate themselves, but also the great number of people aching for something new. And with a metropolitan area with this many people, one needs only to pick people's curiosity to have a steady flow of customers.
 Which gets me thinking that, if I had the capital to start up, I could open something really fucked up that would have curious customers rallying to my shop's door. Here's a few ideas!

1. Merry Go Around
A restaurant where all tables are round. Customers order as usual, and, when the food arrives, their chairs start revolving around the table, moving along a track! What a great way to share food when eating with a group of several people, all the while making sure one asshole doesn't hog all the good stuff.

2. Firing Squad
Customers grab an apron and place their order then line up against the wall with their mouths open. The food is then thrown at their face by something similar to a baseball pitching machine.

3. Hunger Games
Everyone pays the same price to enter the restaurant, and receives chopsticks, a fork or a spoon (chosen at the entrance.) They then stand in a room with a timer above head, and, when the timer hits zero, a door opens and they must all rush into the next room (a 50 meter dash or so) which has a great amount of food at its center. First arrived gets first pick. Everyone has 2 minutes to eat as much as they can before they are urged by the staff to go back into the previous room and wait for the timer again.

4. Gravity
By most means a regular restaurant, except customers are strapped to a chair suspended from the ceiling. Pregnant women aren't allowed entry.

5. Limelight
Ten juries (paying customers, maybe 2000¥ each) are placed at a table with lots of food, but are not allowed to touch it at all (or else they get kicked out and replaced by another paying customer.) Then, a "performer" (another paying customer, 2000¥) must dance or sing to impress the juries (less than 2 minutes per performance please.) Depending on how impressed they were, the juries give you food accordingly. Every 3 performances the juries are swapped out by the next batch of paying customers. Performers get to take their food to the next room.

THESE IDEAS ARE MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY NOW. DON'T STEAL MY IDEAS.