DENIZENS OF THE TRAIN.
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We Tokyoites frequent them every day. They're numerous, and come in many shades and colors. Some are friendly! Neighborly, common, run of the mill people! Benign and neutral! But others dwell in shadows and are capable of an unspeakable evil. With the help of this simplified lexicon, let's break them down into categories (and even subcategories!) for reference and consultation.
And so here are some of the Particular Denizens.
ENTRY 1: THE SEAT HOG
Don't act like you've never been one.
Don't act like you've never been one.
1.1 THE HUNTER
Their eyes dart left to right as they scan their environment. The Hunter has only one thing in mind: to gain a seat in the train. Men and women who in the outside world are regular folks understandably turn into feral creatures when placed in an overcrowded train during rush hours, and that's fair game. Some of them are seasoned Hunters, whose asses come down upon seats at the speed of light. Others can only aim for such grace and agility. But there's no foul play here, unless...
1.2 THE RENEGADE
Uh-oh! The foul Renegade! These bastards hog seats amongst the weak and dispirited! They aim for seats in the Courtesy section, dedicated for people who are either old, pregnant, or handicapped in some other way. But that's not all. Though the Courtesy seats are not always full of people in need of them, a true Renegade doesn't give up his seat when one of these come by. Many Renegades pretend to sleep or to be reading without noticing. What foul play indeed!
ENTRY 2: THE SLEEPER
Because the train's a giant rocking chair.
Because the train's a giant rocking chair.
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| Two Common Sleepers flanking me. One more if you look in the reflection in the glass. |
They're 30% of the people sitting in the train at any given moment. I'm often one of them! The Common Sleeper is a benign denizen, usually very quiet, and bothers no one. These sleepers sleep lightly enough that they can easily wake up at their own stop.
2.2: THE LEANER
Egad! But watch out! Though the Common Sleeper is harmless, all Sleepers can turn into Leaners within the blink of an eye! Leaners are characterized by their leaning on people when they sleep - an involuntary and often embarrassing habit, but amusing to watch. You've probably heard of or seen the stereotypical cute girl falling asleep upon the shoulder of a balding old guy. It happens!
2.3: THE HEAVY SLEEPER
The Heavy Sleeper may have ingested some alcohol, for they are those who have fallen into a deep and irreversible coma-like slumber. Many times have I tried to wake one at the terminal of a train-line, to no avail, leaving them to the mercy of the station-staff. Heavy Sleepers often sprawl across several train seats, or even upon the floor of the train. They run a heavier chance than Common Sleepers of turning into Leaners.
ENTRY 3: HORDES
The Sleeper's natural adversary.
3.1. THE HAGHORDE
A Haghorde is more of a force of nature than a human thing. Late at night, near stations where young people accumulate, a Haghorde is bound to form. When many young college girls or club-goers (most often female) enter a train together, they bring with them an unceasing cacophony and form a Haghorde. The Haghorde can be heard within the whole wagon, their voices merging as one and hitting all ranges of sound, in such a way that they can never not be heard. Haghordes are most often formed by young women, but the less common male variant also exists. This is called a FAGHORDE, and won't get its own entry in this lexicon.
3.2. THE BROODLINGS
A similar occurrence often occur when young elementary school boys pile into a train. Broodlings bring with them the same ill-effects as Haghordes, but are more frequent during daylight hours. However, they can easily be dispelled by any one above 5 feet tall who kindly tells 'em to shut up and bring their noise elsewhere.
4.1. THE GROPER
The Chikan, otherwise known as the Groper, has shaped the face of train-security across Japan. It is because of he that women must be kept safe inside Women-Only wagons during rush hours, for fear that the Chikan's legendary grubby hands might reach for a handful of their buns, so to speak.
A Haghorde is more of a force of nature than a human thing. Late at night, near stations where young people accumulate, a Haghorde is bound to form. When many young college girls or club-goers (most often female) enter a train together, they bring with them an unceasing cacophony and form a Haghorde. The Haghorde can be heard within the whole wagon, their voices merging as one and hitting all ranges of sound, in such a way that they can never not be heard. Haghordes are most often formed by young women, but the less common male variant also exists. This is called a FAGHORDE, and won't get its own entry in this lexicon.
3.2. THE BROODLINGS
A similar occurrence often occur when young elementary school boys pile into a train. Broodlings bring with them the same ill-effects as Haghordes, but are more frequent during daylight hours. However, they can easily be dispelled by any one above 5 feet tall who kindly tells 'em to shut up and bring their noise elsewhere.
ENTRY 4: CHIKAN
The elusive grubby-hands.
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| If you see/feel one, scream! |
The Chikan, otherwise known as the Groper, has shaped the face of train-security across Japan. It is because of he that women must be kept safe inside Women-Only wagons during rush hours, for fear that the Chikan's legendary grubby hands might reach for a handful of their buns, so to speak.
Alright, in truth, Gropers aren't laughingstock. They're a serious problem in Japan, and, though I've never seen one myself, many of my female colleagues have had their asses grabbed by gropers. Traditionally, these men (and they're definitely 99% men) stand amongst others in a crowded train and just go for the apple. You can see posters all over. "Groping is a crime!" they read, as if everyone is potentially a Chikan.
So that's the gist of them! Did I forget any? If so, let me know and I'll update!
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