Interesting Tidbits: Sex and the City

EDIT: I've decided to remove offensive pictures from this post. Sorry. 
Devin Wood is in Tokyo as of last night, and it's been a blur of tourism, with a good amount of laughs in between. We spent most of our day in Akihabara, which I've already visited, and you can read about here. But we've also visited some of the raunchier spots in the area, and I'm sure a couple of you readers will get a few kicks from this. For your entertainment (and, I won't lie, ours as well,) here's a look into an adult store in Japan, hosted by Piercer Extaordinaire, Devin Wood, and Yours Truly.

   Let's put the facts forward: Japan is obsessed with innocence. Whereas the western image of the ideal woman is the busty babe with luscious lips and that stereotypical Bond-Girl roguish charm, it's quite different here. In Japan, she is portrayed as being naive and pure. It should come as no surprise that the official age of consent is 13 (though state laws can thankfully override federal laws, effectively making it 17 in Tokyo.)

Sexuality is quite repressed here. All pornographic material is censored, and prostitution is illegal (though this gets circumvented commonly.) However, as per usual, the Japanese people are quite effective at finding creative solutions to everything, no matter how bizarre said solution would be, and so it's easy to find weird perversions. To the right, Devin demonstrates how one can procure used women's underwear from a vending machine! You also get a picture of the woman who selflessly donated her precious knickers.
 I'm being sarcastic. It's funny, but quite sad. No worries, everyone, he's merely getting this to give as a souvenir gift for a friend. I hope they inspect his luggage at the airport and find it and share a giggle.

I hope this has been enjoyable.
Here's a picture of me doing my famous fighter-jet pose in front of a panda mascot guy. World-class, I know.

Tori-no-ichi

Those hanging things are the lucky charms.

The other night, Julian and I went into the Tori-no-ichi fare in Asakusa. The event usually happens twice on the month of November, but this year it happened three times. Yesterday was the third.
 Basically, during the fare a bunch of booths put colorful good luck tokens on display, allowing for people to purchase them for their homes. At the entrance to the fare, people bring the ones from last year, and they are gathered and burned.
The fare opens right smack on midnight and stretches on for the whole day. You wouldn't think there would be people there at 1 in the morning, but the attendance is enormous. You can barely walk because of the sheer number of people.

Julian emerges from a sea of people.

The luck charms themselves come in many different shapes and sizes, but all of them are very cluttered and colorful. They usually feature traditional folkloric things such as the maneki-neko cats, but some of them are much more contemporary and have instantly recognizable icons such as Hello Kitty. They're also quite expensive, making it a small wonder that there are so many people who buy them every year. Julian bought a small one (three inches large) for the equivalent of 20$, making me wonder at the price of the standard ones, which are around a foot wide and high.
I wish I could have taken better pictures, but the gigantic crowd made such a thing impossible. Woe is me.

Fumi

Today I got acquainted with Fumi, ex-hostess and avid traveler. For those of you who don't know what a hostess is, the idea is pretty simple. You go to a special bar where you pay one of the girls, the hostesses in question, to have a few drinks and talk to you. Basically, you're hiring someone to give you blue balls. For expensive.
 It was a fun cultural exchange and I feel like I've learned a lot more than I can remember right now. She showed me to a good takoyaki place and we sang a few songs at a karaoke (my first karaoke session in Japan!) The song selection was good and so was the company, making for a very enjoyable evening.

Jyu Go

I was at a McDonald's just now, trying to cash in on a sweet deal. Five McNuggets for 1,25$. So I went up to the cash, and asked for "Jyu-go (fifteen) McNuggets," to which the guy replied.
"Jyu go?"

"Yes," I confirmed.
(In Japanese) "That will be 1000yen."

To this I was puzzled, but I figured the deal was over. I made no fuss and gave him 1000 yen.
"For here or to go?"
"For here."
He looks at me like I said something funny. And then I got this.

Because instead of "Jyu-go" - Fifteen pieces, he thought I meant "Jyu go" - Ten Five. As in, ten boxes of five. I now have my lunch and dinner for tomorrow.

I was on public television (for real this time)

 Two nights ago, I received a call from the Hotel owner telling me to come down to the lobby. Puzzled as to why, I hurried down, and met a certain Chihiro Kanemaru; a recruiter for Fuji Television, one of the biggest television companies in Japan. Think CNN or CBC. The young woman begged and begged for me to give my opinion on something for an interview the very next morning, and invited me to the studio. I would represent Canada within a small sample of foreigners in Tokyo.

 I thought it'd be fun. Plus, she was nice. I didn't even know they were paying at the time.
And so it came to pass that I visited the Fuji TV studios for a brief interview about a Japanese singer named Saori Yuki, who apparently topped the charts in Canada and USA for a while.
 The premise of the television segment was simple; I had to listen to the music and give my opinion on why Westerners might have enjoyed it. So I sat down, listened, along with the ten or so other people, and gave my opinion when the anchor asked.

I didn't fall asleep. They made us hum one of the songs.

Unfortunately, they only aired two of the ten or eleven interviews they filmed, and mine wasn't among them (they ultimately only showed Greece and Ethiopia, with a few words from Spain.) But hey! I was there. And I got paid, like, 40$ plus the amount I spent on getting there. So yeah.






On a side note, I also picked up my foreigner registration card today! I can now get paid officially - as in, not under the table. Also, I won't have to carry my passport around everywhere any more. My eyelashes look very thick on my picture, though; a perfect compliment to my brother's driver's licence where he looks like he's wearing lipstick.

I was on public television

And so it came to pass that I went to the Fuji TV studios and...
 ...Mmm...

 Aaaghh OOOGHHHH THESE MOTHERFUCKING COOKIES ARE AMAZING.
 GWAAAAAHHHHHHH.

Yoyogi Park & Harajuku

It was 23 degrees out today. You wouldn't think we're in late November. Damn, it's satisfying. I'll be happy if I can see a snow-less Winter this year.
 With the weather being so good, I decided to take a walk around Yoyogi Park, Harajuku. I didn't expect there to be so much going on.
 Every twenty meters or so were different crews of performers: acrobats, musicians, jugglers, you name it. The park was alive with sound and play. I particularly enjoyed the small circus crew in the center of the park. That's one of the acts, pictured to the left.

For those of you who don't know, Harajuku is also one of the fashion hotspots in Tokyo. A lot of girls casually waltz around in flamboyant costumes you wouldn't quite get the chance to see anywhere else. Designers shops line the streets. I dared not go inside without female companionship, though. On a Sunday afternoon like this one, it got quite busy.
 You know those rumors about guys being paid to pack people into the subway train like sardines? Yeah, those are all true. I'll make sure to avoid rush hour.

On a side note, two employees for Fuji TV passed by the Hotel today, asking for young North Americans. I agreed to go get interviewed tomorrow, so that should be interesting (especially considering they usually pay). I was also told that they would possibly be recruiting foreigners who are staying in Japan for long-term for some television show. Let's see what happens.

Mostly Sucky Stuff

So my first paid conversation session was yesterday. Or not.
It was a no-show. I waited half an hour and no one showed up, so I just got up and left. Yeah, that was kind of disappointing. When I got back to the hotel, I found she had e-mailed me seven minutes before we were supposed to meet, asking if she had the address right, which she did. It kind of left me confused, but I'm hoping we can reschedule, though. Plus, the guy who sat beside me on the metro smelled like diarrhea.

The Old Man Who Plays Koi Koi

The other day we caught a little rain. It was good weather for staying in and not doing shit.
 I bought a set of secondhand Japanese Hanafuda cards, having left mine at home.
 The only Hanafuda game I know how to play is Koi Koi, so we got to that.
As I taught Kris to play, an elderly man sat down beside him, and, after a few rounds, urged Kris to move over so that he could play in his place, shooing him like a raccoon.
 He taught me to shuffle and distribute the cards the traditional way, and we played a few quick rounds.
 At the end of the game, I put my hand on his shoulder and called him "Koi Koi ga suki na ojii-san" (Grandpa who enjoys Koi Koi) to which he replied in Japanese, "I'm not your ojii-san (grandpa), I'm your onii-san (brother.)"

 That's how I met Miyamoto-san, the Old Man who Plays Koi Koi, two days ago. He's a sweet old man who loves pointing out at what we are eating ("That there is yakisoba"), and flirting with the 40-some year old Kenyan nurse who some times uses the computer in the lobby.

Brief Note: Devin is coming to Japan!

HWAAAAHHH. DEVIN IS COMING TO JAPAN FOR A WEEK.
  November 26th - December 3rd.

The Edo-Tokyo Museum

Sunday was a day well-spent at the Edo Tokyo Museum. Since most real vestiges of Tokyo's past were burned to the ground during World War II, it was a cool little detour to make.
The layout of the place brought you through Tokyo's last eight or so centuries in chronological order, from the age of the shoguns all the way to the capitulation during World War II.
The museum was very interactive and had gorgeous miniature sets painted with intricate detail.

But one of the highlights of the visit was, to me, the life-sized sets that allowed you to visit such things as the traditional Kabuki theaters or the houses of the peasants during the feudal area.
I've yet to go to a Kabuki play; I'll do that eventually.

The interactive pieces allowed you to sample the weight of certain things, such as the water buckets carried by the peasants, or the standards held by the firefighters. Once could also sit inside a carriage, on top of a post-western-influence bicycle, or on rickshaws.
I thought it was a cool little touch to add interactivity.
On a side note, the buckets weren't that heavy (33lbs?) but the picture on the left is for fooling people into thinking I'm a strong man. Only my blog followers get the privilege of knowing that.

So all in all, it was a fun day. The Edo-Tokyo museum costs 600Y for admission, and one can expect to spend three to four hours inside.

Here's a picture of me with a squid sticking out of my mouth, lifting my thumbs up of approval.

Brief Note - I've got a student

I've got a reply for the ads we put up already! As it turns out, I'll be holding an English conversation session for one of the students of Bunka Fashion University for Women twice a week, starting this Thursday.
 Everything is awesome.

The Great Crusade (part 1)

And so I launched my crusade. Yesterday was a tiring day.


First things first, we visited the Grave of the 47 Masterless Samurai at Sengaku-ji.
 The short version of the story of the 47 Ronin goes as follows: a feudal lord was forced to commit suicide after assaulting a court official, leaving his loyal samurai masterless. After a 2 year plot, the samurai in turn avenged their master by slaying the court official and committing suicide themselves. It's a story that's referenced for its connotations of loyalty and determination in the face of duty.
 After offering our respects here, we left to begin our own determined quest.



Of the seven womens' universities and colleges scattered throughout the Tokyo Metropolitan Area, we managed to visit four within our day, two of which were colleges and the other two being universities. The colleges were heavy with security and wouldn't even let us in. Of those two, one successfully blocked our entrance, whereas the other, we managed to sneak in through the back gate, and turned tail once we realized it was a Christian college. Seeing as we were afraid our skins would start melting the deeper we got into the holy grounds, we ran away.
 Of the two universities, one wouldn't let us post up ads unless we got our ad approved first. It was a whole affair through which I had to deal with the administration. At first they were adamant about not letting us, but, using my great charm and irresistible smile, I managed to negotiate letting them pass the poster through the appropriate department. Upon coming home, I got confirmation that I could post the ads up with out breaking some kind of law or some shit, so I'll probably have to go back to Totei Womens' University and post up a billion of those ads.
 The second was Bunka Fashion University in Shinjuku. Walked in, post two two ads on separate billboards, walked out. Easy.
 Of course, a return trip is warranted in order to strike at the other three establishments, but altogether, it wasn't so bad, and now we play the waiting game.
 I would post pictures of the establishments and the women walking in and out, but I didn't take any for fear of looking like a sexual predator, so, instead, here's a picture of me wearing a Thomas the Train mask.

I am finally a train.

The Museum of Parasites in Meguro

You read that right. It's an entire museum dedicated to parasites, with real specimens of the nasty things.
That's an actual tapeworm, on the left! The museum has two floors dedicated to all manners of critters that depend on their unwilling hosts to live, be they fish, rodents, livestock, or humans.
I found it quite interesting, but I'd guess it's not for the faint of heart. Some of the tubes like the one pictured here contained preserved severed heads and membranes of animals, all with the parasite still conserved with them. There were also informative diagrams of where the parasites nest and whatnot.

That's a botfly with my thumb in comparison.

In addition to that, there's also some merchandise on the second floor. To think I passed on the chance of buying a t-shirt with a tapeworm on it, or to send postcards of sickly white bot-fly maggots eating through the flesh of some unidentifiable animal. It's a pity I don't have a significant other in Canada. I'm a sucker for innovative gifts.

Also, this is what I had for lunch today! I tried to make it a balanced meal. I may or may not have succeeded.

What's that you ask? Of course the octopus tentacle is raw. This is Japan.
It kind of fits today's theme, I think.



Moving on, though, tomorrow's going to be a big day. Julian and I are putting to action our job plan. Tomorrow, he and I are going on a crusade across Tokyo. We will be printing out posters advertising English conversation sessions for 2000Y, and posting them in womens' schools throughout the city. We have mapped out a course of action, where we will be visiting seven different colleges and universities to put the advertisements up. With the will of heaven, we shall complete our duty with magnificence. Stay posted, for tomorrow begins our campaign to capture the hearts and minds of young women throughout Tokyo.

Akihabara

Akihabara, or Akiba in short, is the Garden of Eden of geeks on this planet. Eight floor arcades are separated two minutes walk's apart. Before the shops even open, people line up in front of the doors, men, women, and children alike, sitting down and playing handheld video game consoles; and we're not talking, like, four or five people, either. Eighty to a hundred, easily. Anime and video game merchandise line the streets inside and outside of the shops. For a huge dork like myself, this is truly the promised land.
Walking into an electronics store is mind-blowing. Japan is literally a year ahead when it comes to just about any technology. Paper-thin ASUS laptops with incredible specs are on display alongside cameras that put the ones back home to shame.
See that, on the right? That's an honest-to-goodness Gundam Cafe. That's right. People love their god damn giant robots that much. I swear there's a line-up in front of this place too, usually. I was just up too early. One day I'll gather the balls to walk in there.

And then there were three

Yesterday (or today for people in Montreal?) went to Ueno so that I could register for a Gaijin card (Alien Registration Card) and not have to carry my passport around at all times. Though I may have a visa, I can't work without the damn card, so yeah.
 The upside of it all was that we later got to walk around the market district and see some pretty neat Japanese stores. I gave in and bought a yukata and a headband.
The headband says "kamikaze." It appeals to both the Japanese and Iranian sides of my heritage, if you know what I mean. Heheheh.

That aside, today Anton left us to go back to England, having run out of money. He gave me deodorant and toothpaste as he left. Hopefully that wasn't a remark on my hygiene. Having extended an invitation for me to come to England one day, he took that faithful last train, McDonald's cheeseburger in hand, and left for the journey home. Now we are three, and short one dominican-irish-korean british b-boy optician fox-guy.

One Less Soldier

Today Rodrigue's headed back home to France, with hopes of resting before studying English in Canada, with the ultimate purpose of coming back to Japan.
 On my end, I've established contact with a university student who wants to learn to speak better French. Here's to hoping we can actually meet up some time soon. I gotta get my networking shit on.

Left to right: me, Rodrigue, Anton, Kris

Tokyo National Museum

I'm not usually a huge sucker for things archaeological, but I decided to take up Julien's offer and go to the Tokyo National Museum with him.
 I wasn't expecting to spend the whole day there. That place was enormous. From Japanese history to art ranging from past millennium to recent centuries, you can expect a rich selection of things to look through.
 Being a humongous geek like I am, I particularly appreciated the swords and armor and other assortments of generally bad-ass things on display; though my highlight was the large, dominantly bad ass sculpture of this Shinto deity.

 That aside, it's also noteworthy that the museum owns such an abundant collection of items that they have to cycle between their material every few weeks or so, making it so that a second trip to the place is likely to bear different fruit, especially when it comes to the trademark delicate Japanese art of the olden days.
 Of note again are the traditional constructions that have been relocated around the museum, making the outdoors every bit as appreciable as the inside of the large complex.
Wow, I've been rather educational lately.

At the end of the day, we enjoyed a little chess. Though you wouldn't think it at first, Anton's a hell of a predator when it comes to the game. A real man-eater. I don't recall ever seeing someone so passionate about chess.
 I ran off with my tail between my legs when he mentioned that he studied the moves of Kasparov and shit, though I'll be sure to play him some time whenever I grow the balls for it.

Interesting Tidbits: Tokyo in General

Having been in Tokyo for almost one week, a number of things have jumped out to me as being fairly different than what I'm accustomed to back home. Here's a list of 5 random things in point form that have surprised or interested me in some way.

1: Engrish

I try to imagine someone saying this with a serious face.

 
Man, it's staggering, and it's everywhere. Ads like the one on the left are a dime a dozen, and this one is borderline grammatically correct (just...weird?) Once in a while you'll catch someone with a t-shirt with English captions so skewed they may damage your brain. One that stuck to me was a girl with a shirt saying:

"I am what
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN

to be."

It's hilarious. I'm amazed.



2: The Metro System

It is I, the slayer of Gaijins.

 It took me a while to figure this one out. This metro map, to the right, is one of the few English ones that appear in the bigger stations. You don't get this kind of saving grace everywhere. Can you imagine looking at this map and figuring out where to go when all the names are written in Japanese character?
Several of the lines also pass through the same stations, but don't make all the stops. It's up to you to figure out which train stops where.
Additionally, in Tokyo, your ticket's price depends on the distance you travel.
The strawberry on the shortcake? This is only one of the metro systems: there's another one owned by another company. Imagine I overlay this map with ten more lines.

3: The Weather!

 It's a godsend. It really is. It still feels like summer here; the temperatures range between 15 and 23 degrees. From what I've gathered, it rarely ever goes below zero in January. I've nothing else to say on this. Here was this week's weather billboard in our hotel! Try not to shit yourself crying, Montreal.



4: Shrines

It doesn't take much searching to find these tiny little caches under the biggest trees, offering a calm place of rest to anyone who wants to sit down for a while. These Shinto shrines (Shinto being an old Japanese religion) are dedicated to many different things ranging from protection to wealth. They're lovely little pearls that can be found scattered throughout the city. The one portrayed here is in dedication to the fox (kitsune in Japanese), a sacred animal in the Shinto religion. (Foxboy Anton regularly stops here and offers a prayer.)




5: Vending Machines

They're on every corner everywhere, indoor and out, and they sell everything. The subway trains have them. In addition to selling cold beverages, they also have warm beverages such as canned coffee, cigarettes, and, apparently, though I haven't seen one yet, used women's panties. It kind of sits weirdly with me that a child could go up to a vending machine a pop out a pack of cigs, the legal age here for smoking (and I do mean smoking, not buying cigarettes) being 20.
Tommy Lee Jones (Men in Black) also notably gave his face to the BOSS brand of coffee. The ads, which you can see on Youtube, are quite funny too.

Ueno Zoo

 I took the chance to visit Ueno Zoo while the weather was good, since it's fairly close to hotel New Koyo. For the small admission fee of 600Y (eight dollars?), I didn't think it would be a very large zoo. It is, after all, in the middle of downtown Tokyo.

 I was wrong.

 I spent two hours in there, after which I had thought I had gone around the whole thing, only to realize that there was a whole other equally big section to the zoo. I got lost in there.

I own this place.

The variety of animals on display is enormous. You name it. They have it. I had never seen an aye-aye in captivity until Ueno Zoo. But by far the stars of the place were the pandas.

And boy, do the Japanese love their god damn pandas. There's a line up to go see the pandas - on a Tuesday morning! Who can blame 'em, though. I've yet to meet someone who could look me in the eye and tell me they hate pandas. Maybe it's a crime here?

Pandas aside, it's also quite educative! I stumbled upon this thing for the first time. Secretarybird, it's called? Man, I almost feel bad for the thing. Sure, it's nice to look at, but come on, it's a freaking eagle on stilts. What covenant of nature would make a bird evolve into having such long legs and such a short beak? An eagle can easily carry its food to its mouth in mid flight, and a crane has a long enough beak to be able to fish efficiently, but man, this poor fellow has to bend all the way down to get nearly anything done. My heart goes out to the secretarybird; you poor, malformed Frankenstein of the animal kingdom.



Almost as surprising as the animals themselves was the number of children in Ueno Zoo. I swear, children are a rare sight in Tokyo; it's a well known fact that the population of Japan is a rapidly aging one. But it was as though every child in Tokyo had converged into this one point. The children are almost as fun to watch as the animals. I say that in the least pedo way I can.





It's interesting to note that Ueno Zoo is surrounded by a residential district in at least two of its four sides. Houses hug the walls of the zoo in such a way that the person living there could open their window and plainly look at the place; maybe even pop out and enjoy it without paying the admission fee.

Once out, I enjoyed a delicious bowl of ramen and watched a few movies with the guys back at the hotel. Altogether, t'was a good time for a good price. And, for the whole day, I spent less than 2200Y? A real steal.

Ueno Zoo gets my dominant fist of approval.